Two: Zen and the Art of Warrior Maintenance; Building Resilience
- Adam
- Jan 1, 2018
- 5 min read
Chaos is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence. – Buddha
The act of building resiliency was a particularly challenging set of ideas for me as a survivor. I had two large obstacles in perception to overcome in order to learn, understand and incorporate this practice into how I approached my journey.
re·sil·ience or re·sil·ien·cy
noun
1.the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.
2.ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.
My first major obstacle to reconcile was how I viewed the world and the other people around me. I was distrustful, suspicious and actively isolated myself from others. I viewed anyone who attempted to gain confidence or get close to me as a threat - including those very people that wanted to help me. Even to consider someone else’s perspective or ideas represented a loss of control that I was not willing or able to give up. My typical response was along the lines of, “When you’re done reading about trauma, tell me something I don’t already know.”
My second hurdle was my depth of perception, meaning that I couldn’t see the forest, for the trees. I looked at these ideas and thought “These people are absolute idiots if they think that this could even come close to healing my trauma or making me feel better about what happened to me.” I wore my anger on the outside like armor and for the first time felt empowered and heard, and I was not ready to let that go. I thought that I had taken things to their natural conclusion.
As I’ve said before, what I didn’t know at that time was that this journey for me has lasted a lifetime. I was focusing on the wrong thing when it came to resiliency. Resiliency is not about correcting the experience of trauma. In a way, resiliency is like “Cross Training” for the spirit. Resiliency is not about a specific event or series of events, for me - it is about preparing for the life that exists outside of those moments.
Let me be honest, I needed to understand these concepts in order to stay alive. I knew absolutely nothing about how to be a “normal” person. Friendship, love, trust, honesty, happiness, loyalty and self-worth were all words that made absolutely no sense to me at the time. The practice of building resiliency was a way that I was able to understand and then own these ideas to alter the way I interacted with the world around me.
There are no revelations or epiphanies here – these are basic concepts that could have been written by my Mom or my second grade teacher. Depending on your particular location on your own path, they may seem insultingly oversimplified. Consider these ideas, dear heart, don’t look to put them into practice, yet, just read the list – go to the APA site and do some more reading, than pack it away in your bag until you’re ready.
At some point, anger gives way to fatigue, and then exhaustion or self-destruction. Learning to build resiliency helped me to create a reserve of energy that I can draw on so I feel less overwhelmed when facing challenges, to create goals and to move forward in a positive direction with my life.
I try to avoid focusing on the specific details of my personal traumatic experiences on this site unless they can help move the story forward… so I’ll speak in the hypothetical third person.
Resiliency may stop someone from jumping across the counter at the GAP and grabbing the salesgirl by the throat because she called you a bitch…
Resiliency might make a person consider that promiscuity is not really a productive or sustainable form of reclaiming control…
Resiliency might shield a person from being escorted by the police from a hotel in the middle of the night because they tried to smash an ashtray on the head of a man who touched their face in a bar…
Resiliency might create enough white noise to allow oneself to love and be loved by another amazing human being…
Given your circumstance – what have you got to lose?
Proceed with caution and a critical mind – this experience and how you heal from it – is all yours – own it and be strong! You didn’t make it to this moment accidentally – you’re a fighter – never relinquish that power. I believe in you and your ability to make sense of the chaos around you. I hope this helps.
Wishing you a sincerly prosperous new year!
In Solidarity, - Adam
The following Excerpt with hyperlink from: American Psychological Association, The Road to Resilience, http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx,2018.
Make connections.
Good relationships with close family members, friends or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.
Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems.
You can't change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.
Accept that change is a part of living.
Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.
Move toward your goals.
Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, "What's one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?"
Take decisive actions.
Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.
Look for opportunities for self-discovery.
People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.
Nurture a positive view of yourself.
Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.
Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
Maintain a hopeful outlook.
An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.
Take care of yourself.
Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.
Additional ways of strengthening resilience may be helpful. For example, some people write about their deepest thoughts and feelings related to trauma or other stressful events in their life. Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and restore hope.
The key is to identify ways that are likely to work well for you as part of your own personal strategy for fostering resilience.
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